Once your friends and even family members learn that you are considering a divorce, you may find yourself inundated with “helpful advice. The sad, but true, fact is that “helpful advice” is wrong.
Your marriage and the issues that led to your divorce are not like any other divorce situation. When someone tells you what happened to them or someone they know in their divorce, and then compares it to your divorce, stop them right away. One size does not fit all in terms of divorce. Every divorce is different and should be handled differently.
Yes, there are friends and family who have your back and are there to offer you strength. On the other hand, there are people who offer advice for other reasons—perhaps the need to appear knowledgeable about all subjects, or perhaps for the sake of gossip material, or those who characterize themselves as the “victim” of a terrible divorce. Those are the people you need to remove from your day-to-day life during the divorce.
In the legal realm, your divorce should be handled entirely by you, your lawyer, and those other experts necessary to resolve the legal aspects of the marriage relationship.
In the mental health realm, your stability while experiencing the trauma of the divorce should be handled entirely by you, a counselor, and those you turn to for spiritual guidance.
Tell those people who are offering “helpful advice” that you have an agreement to discuss the details of the divorce and its effects upon you only with your lawyer and your counselor. Those who do not comply with your request and persist in pushing “helpful advice” in your direction should be avoided. They will make your divorce experience extremely difficult.
Those who are genuine friends will honor your request. They will make themselves available to enjoy a social outing with you, offer you support, and provide you with assurance that the world is not altogether out of control.
